


A Person In Everyone

by Wisteriona



Series: Being Human And More [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Disabled Character, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff, Ikebukuro, M/M, Redemption, Rehabilitation, Shinjuku, Shizaya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-02-19 06:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22406998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wisteriona/pseuds/Wisteriona
Summary: After his last fight with Shizuo, Izaya did the one thing nobody thought he would do, he left Ikebukuro. Now he’s tied down to his wheelchair, assumed death by those who knew his name, Izaya Orihara became nothing more than a what used to be. On his own and continuing his career as an informant, Izaya’s life has grown quiet, lifeless. That was until he met a peculiar girl who seems to know his name and his reputation. What does she want from him? And why won’t she just leave him alone?—————A university graduate student in psychology and recently employed as a counseling psychologist in a mental asylum, she has seen and met many people with many views on life and their surroundings, doing all she can to improve their quality of life. Having run into the infamous informant, Izaya Orihara, this girl sees something in this dangerous man that most have overlooked and now she’s hooked. She promised that she will stop at nothing till she can show this cold-hearted individual just how human he is and just how much he is worth as himself.
Relationships: Harima Mika/Yagiri Seiji, Heiwajima Kasuka/Hijiribe Ruri, Heiwajima Shizuo & Original Female Character(s), Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya, Kida Masaomi/Mikajima Saki, Kishitani Shinra/Celty Sturluson, Orihara Izaya & Original Female Character(s), Orihara Izaya & Orihara Kururi & Orihara Mairu, Orihara Izaya/Original Male Character(s) (mentioned), Ryuugamine Mikado/Sonohara Anri
Series: Being Human And More [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1612525
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	1. Relight The Forgotten Spark

She was there. They didn’t see her, but she was there. A girl, what seemed to be just another face in the crowd. She walked along the busy streets of Ikebukuro, a phone in hand, focus entirely on the one at the other end of the line. Unsuspecting and unaware, just like every newcomer in the city, for what was there to be concern with? Ikebukuro looks just like any other place in Tokyo. 

“Me? I’m in Ikebukuro. Just got off the train a few minutes ago.”

She walked amidst the crowd. Her presence blended in without a notice to anyone.

”It’s a family visit, I’m not going to stay long. Just a few days, a week at most. What about you? Are you off with your bf like you planned?... Oh! Meeting the parents already?! Good for you!”

Slim fingers burried themselves in the locks of black hair, intertwining the dark threads in tangles. Hand lowered from her hair and reached for the hood of her jacket, taking hold of the fur lining the hood and pulling over her head.

”Dangerous?... Looks pretty peaceful actually... Ok, who do I have to keep an eye out for?... Some guy named Izaya Orihara and a bartender with a short temper? Anyone else?” 

She stopped at a crossing, eyes on the light, awaiting it to turn green and for the vehicles to halt in their travel. Her attention started to wander around the place, looking from one corner to another. Something was about to happen, that was all she knew, but not clear on what it was.

”The yakuza and colour gangs. Damn, sounds like something out of an anime. You better not be pulling my leg... Don’t be ridiculous, a headless rider, ok now I know you’re messing with me... There is no way everything you said is tru-“

”IZAYAAAA!!!”

The girl quickly whirled around and stared in the direction of the scream. Brown eyes gazing intensely at what was to come. She could feel her heartbeat picking up, adrenaline rush to every part of her. Her lips twitched with anticipation. 

In the distance there were people screaming and running towards where she stood. Cars stopped in the middle of the road as both drivers and passengers fled their vehicles. Faces littered with fear, but even with those running away from the scene, there were those who flocked to the heart of the chaos, curiosity reigning over the rational choice of fleeing.

Then, she saw it. She saw what looks to be a street sign soaring in the sky and lodging itself onto the side of a building. Then came another, a traffic light this time, followed by more random street signs being flung into the air and crashing just short of the bystanders. Everyone moved away, staying just out of range of the rogue objects crashing all over the place. The girl watched in amazement, no longer could she hear the voice of her friend frantically calling out to her through her phone. Instead she gazed ahead at the chaos that was quickly moving closer to where she stood.

People were running away, moving right past her, but she stood firm. They were getting closer as each second passes by, her eyes could make out something, more specifically someone. It was a man. He was running and dodging every object that flew in his direction. Even with distance and the darkness that comes with the night, she could see his face. It was oddly familiar, but what stood out was the smile on his face, it was one of joy mixed with sardonicism. It was obvious that whoever is chasing him was aiming to cause serious harm, kill even, yet he seemed to be amused by it all. 

Screaming, she can hear someone screaming at the top of their lungs. It was so loud it made the screams of the panicked crowd sound like a mere whisper. The man ran past her, she gazed in shock at the figure as he passed, his speed was far above average, so was his agility. 

Before she could turn to see where the man had zipped off to, her hair stood on ends. All warning bells were ringing as she felt her body screaming at her to move away. Looking up she could see a large object falling directly to where she stood. When it was mere inches from striking her, hands took hold of her shoulders and pulled her out of the way right before impact.

”Careful now, Shizu-chan. You almost hurt an innocent young lady with your brutish ways.” 

”W-wah-?” She turned back to look at the man who still held her by the shoulders. It was that man that ran past her. He loosened his grip on her, from up close she could get a good view of his face. He was young, maybe his early 20s, with short black hair and brown eyes. She couldn’t deny it, his face was awfully familiar, and not the fleeting kind you see and feel a sense of déjà-vu, it was the type you see on the daily, but where? He wasn't looking at her. His eyes were focused on something else.

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU FLEA!!” The girl returned her gaze up ahead. There was a man, he too looked like a 20 plus year old, and was dressed like a bartender. She could tell he was the one responsible for the thrown street signs and the vending machine that almost hit her, if not for the man’s help. How did she know? The guy was carrying a stop sign in his hand like it weighs nothing.

The girl’s heartbeat was accelerating even faster now, the bartender was getting closer to them, he had this really angered look about him. The guy wasn’t even looking at her, he was glaring at the familiar man behind her, seething with rage and murderous intent. Her hands began to twitch, wanting to do something, but she chose to not act on impulse. She feared that if she moves then she’ll only get caught in the crossfire, instead she waited. Not to long after, the hands on her shoulders were gone and the man ran off, laughing mischievously. She watched as the bartender rushed past her, pursuing the other male. Even out of sight, which had happened with remarkable speed from both parties, the girl could still here the sly laughter and rage-filled screams coming from some other part of the city. 

It took a couple of moments before she was able to recover her senses and snapped out of her daze. It all happened so quickly, the two men appeared and disappeared, there was still a lingering hint of bloodlust left behind. She had stood directly in between them and neither took notice of her, like in the moment it had only been them and their conflict, their eyes had never stopped glaring at each other’s existence. They didn’t see her at all. The girl pulled down her hood, low enough to cover her eyes. Her lips were no longer twitching, instead plastered themselves into a grin that looks normal enough, that is if anyone was able to see the obsession filling her brown eyes then they would’ve thought differently. 

The girl acknowledged the phone in her hand and the call that she had yet to end and place it closer to her ear. Luckily her friend was still on the other line.

”Hey... Yeah, I’m fine. I think I just ran into some of the people you warned me about... Chill. Don’t have to yell. Look, I’m fine, but...” Her hand landed on over her chest, right where her heart was, the beats were decelerating to a more even rhythm. “I found something really amazing today, something extraordinary...” She began to walk away from the scene, wandering the city, admiring the stars twinkling overhead. 

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

She dropped exhaustingly onto the bed in her hotel room. A dreamy grin on her face as she stared aimlessly at the ceiling, eyes unblinking. Her mind fogged with reminiscent of the earlier events, replaying the scenes over and over again in her mind palace. 

“Amazing. It’s just like...” She rolled over and giggled uncontrollably into the pillows. “To think I found another like that.” The girl thought back to the blond bartender, she couldn’t help but marvel over his inhuman strength. It was incredible, so familiar too, just like something she has seen but did not think there would be another, until now. Though his temper was a bit of disappointment. “Then there was that man...” She moved away from the bed and entered the bathroom. Turning the faucet on she gathered the water in her palms and splashed her face. There was something strange about the black-haired male she met, he was oddly familiar, too familiar. “His face... That twinkle of joy in his eyes...”

Feeling more refreshed she focused her attention on her reflection in the mirror. Her mind trying to figure out the reason behind the familiarity of the man. She stood there for a few good minutes, just looking at her own reflection with a blank stare, then she smiled into her reflection. A laugh bubbled up in her chest before breaking into a short hysteria. “Now I know why he looks so familiar. To think I would run into someone like that here. Those two, what a unique pair!” She pulled her head back and stared at the ceiling. “Something is going to happen between them. Something very special.” As those words left her lips, her expression softened into a gentle smile. “So very strange, they behave so much like they’re not human, but they are humans still.” The girl made a mental note to heed her friend’s advice, she will avoid getting involved with the dangers of Ikebukuro, if she ever run into those two again, she’ll just turn away. “This is not my story...”

”Well... Not yet anyways.”

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

It wasn’t long before her visit ended and the girl had to leave Ikebukuro. Within the three days she was there, the raven had encountered nothing out of the ordinary, besides the bizarre chase she was caught up in that first night, but other than that, nothing. 

“So, nothing bad happened while you were there, right?” She smiled at her friend.

”You worry too much, Naomi.”

”But you ran into The Heiwajima and Orihara, when they’re together no less. I heard stories from my relatives in Ikebukuro, nothing good comes when those two cross paths.” Naomi ranted on, listing every possible outcome that could have befallen her, at times with gruesome details, but the raven no longer listened. She stared at out the window in the cafe they were relaxing at. 

Thinking back to those moments, specifically where she was almost smacked square in the face by a vending machine, the raven could not deny her carelessness. She could anticipate danger when the infamous duo were miles away from her, yet it all when numb the moment Izaya Orihara rushes past her form. When that happened, all her attention had been directed solely on the male. She could still remember his face vividly, it wasn’t hard, but what got her attention was the odd sensation that twinkled in the man’s eyes. It was a look of joy, mischief, calculating, confidence and twisted obsession, yet strangely she had saw no hint of fear in those light-brown pools despite the fact that he was running for his life. Even if it all happened in an instance, she didn’t miss it, she didn’t miss any of it. The way there was a slight skip in his step, looseness in his stance, Izaya Orihara’s first impression to her was a man of confidence and twisted desires. According Naomi, he was feared, rumored to be working with the Yakuza groups. Her friend had advised her to stay away, which she did, but she felt a sense of lost. An opportunity to meet a truly unique individual had slipped through her fingers. Stupid it may sound, but she wanted to see more, to know more, everything she could to understand the mind of Izaya Orihara. 

“This Orihara guy, tell me more about him.”

”What, why?” The raven gave no response, only shrugged her shoulders as she brought her cup of coffee closer to her lips. “I told you it’s better to leave it in the past. That man is only going to bring trouble wherever he goes.”

”I’m not going to approach him or anything, just asking for curiosity’s sake.” She took a sip of the bitter drink, savoring the flavour as they lightly stung her tastebuds. “Never seen a man like that before. I’d be lying if I say I wasn’t curious what goes on in his head.” She curled her lips into a half-smirk. “Besides he may be nicer than the rumors say he is.”

”Look in a mirror if you want to find someone like that. I mean you do see it don’t you, his face is...”

”Naomi, chill. Nothing will happen, just tell me what you know. And even if you don’t I could always use social media.” She smiled mischievously. “Gossip always gets around somehow.” Naomi laid her head on the table, her brown hair falling over her face. The raven just smiled innocently, knowing she would get an answer one way or another.

”Alright, fine. But you’re paying for my coffee. You got that, Kojin?”

”Done.”

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

(2 years later)

”Sorry I couldn’t make it yesterday. My boss can be really demanding sometimes.” Naomi gave her friends a raised eyebrow as they converse their way home. She knew Kojin we’ll enough to know that her boss was not to blame, since she herself was quite the workaholic. “How’s the others?”

”Everyone showed up, except a certain somebody, but everyone is doing fine. We’ll be graduating soon, I’m a little nervous about finding a job.” The raven smirked. She couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride knowing that out of their entire group, she was the first to find a stable career. 

“It’s not that hard. Just find something you’re passionate about. Like me.”

”Good for you and all, but I would never be ok spending time talking to serial killers and pyromaniacs and the like.” She frowned at her friend’s statement. In her perspective those people were not crazy, even if others said they were, she doesn’t believe that people can’t be saved no matter how far gone they are. “But I guess that’s what makes you special. You’re braver than most, kinder too.”

”Kind...” She snorted at the fact. The raven pushed her bangs out of her face. She never considered herself kind, her career choice was just something that fulfilled her desire, she wasn’t sure if she had done so simply because she cared. “Though I would prefer if you didn’t talk about my patients in such manner. It’s rude.” Brown eyes wandered all over the place, taking in every inch of the area they were in, which at the moment was an intersection, Naomi and her standing right in front of a pedestrian crossing. She smiled fondly as her eyes stared up ahead. A part of her expecting something extraordinary to happen, much like that one night so long ago, but nothing happened. Years have passed since her visit to Ikebukuro, she never had much of a reason to return. There was the occasional visit to her grandfather, but she had never caught sight of those chases ever again. It was like the abnormalities of the city had vanished, still as dangerous as the rumors suggested, but it was rather calm and peaceful. She had tried searching for the duo she longed to see once more, but the only one she had seen in that city was the blond bartender, the informant was nowhere to be seen. She had went online to find an answer and the news shocked her, the man she had been looking for was proclaimed to be dead after an incident where a fight broke out between him and Shizuo Heiwajima. The raven was stunned and saddened by this discovery, a part of her didn’t truly believe the man was gone. She just had this odd feeling that says so and she chooses to believe it.

She stared blankly at her coffee, the heat radiating comfortably into her pale hands. Her most recent visit to Ikebukuro was rather strange the more she thinks about it. She remembers walking through the city on her own with no real destination in mind, it was all calm and she was relax enough to leave her guard down, that was until her instincts flared up. She could remember sensing a danger approaching, accompanied by a scream. It was Heiwajima, and he was screaming “Izaya” at the top of his lungs. At first she was stunned, but then felt a certain thrill flow through her at the prospect that her unknown savior was still alive. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. She had moved out of the way of a falling mailbox before it hit the ground. She could hear the wild roar of the assailant and in the distance she could see the blond with another man who had dreadlocks and a pair of glasses trying to calm him down.

”I KNOW YOU’RE HERE, FLEA! GET OUT!!” She watched in wonders as the two was getting closer to her. 

“Shizuo, calm down. He’s gone.” The raven could only assumed the rumors were true after hearing that, but she still couldn’t find the reason to accept it. Not to mention the angry blond seems to believe his nemesis was still around, but why he threw something at her was what she don’t understand. There was no sign of the male around the area and even if he was hiding before, his reputation suggests that he was the few that would ever stand up to the bartender.

”HE’S HERE! I CAN SMELL HIM! SENPAI GET OUT OF MY WAY!” Looking around one final time, the girl could confirm that Izaya Orihara was not present and Shizuo Heiwajima was raging over nothing. She grew tired of the scene as it was clear there would be no confrontation and decided to leave. “DON’T RUN FROM ME!!” She dismissed the screaming and walked away. There was nothing for her to see there.

Despite leaving the scene early, it was still an encounter she could never forget until this day. The way the blond had behaved both peeved and intrigued the raven. She didn’t like the way he had almost killed someone and was angry to “discover they were still alive”, but this gave rise to some questions that she wanted answers for. Is Izaya Orihara alive? If yes, then where was he? Why did Shizuo Heiwajima throw a mailbox at her? She was sure that Izaya had not been in the area when she saw Shizuo, so the ordeal got her befuddled. She was unsure who to tell, Naomi would have lectured her to stay away from them at all cost and she didn’t feel like hearing it for the 20th time.

”Well this where we part. I have an assignment due tomorrow so I have to get going. See ya, Kojin.” Naomi waved as she ran off. The raven returned the gesture half-heartedly.

”Bye.” The girl turned to go her own way. Long raven hair swishing in the air as she spun on her heels and moved with a skip in every step she took. A calm smile spread on her lips as she made her way home, eyes continuously roaming the streets she passed dozens of time. It was peaceful back in Kyoto, her home. Compared to the bustling streets of Tokyo, Kyoto always carried this sense of silence beauty and security, but it can’t fool her. No matter how pure and innocent somethings may be, every city has some hidden danger that lurks around if you are not careful. After all, she exists.

”Kind, huh?” The word people would describe her should be far from kind, but in a way she was kind, simply because she wasn’t cruel. “Not everything is as it seems.” She mused to herself, enjoying the thoughts that drifted in her twisted mindset. “Heh heh.” Kojin skipped joyfully by people in the streets. Telling apart the residents and the tourists with ease even as the sky darkens and streets grew crowded.

The raven knew better than to be out too late, she had to work the next morning and did not intend to get caught up in dramas the night would bring. But even with the desire of peace and the mind to return home uninterrupted, it’s as though the universe was pulling trouble that shouldn’t have concerned the girl to wherever she goes. Kyoto was crowded in some places, quiet in others. Quiet isn’t always good, especially with what goes on under the cover dark. As she walked by a certain street, the crowd diminished till she was the only one there, but you know you’re not alone when you can hear the voices of others coming from somewhere nearby, two voices were talking, no, arguing somewhere behind her. As she turned around to view the source she could feel her instincts flared up. Whatever it was, it was definitely dangerous and would be wise to avoid, but the raven was too much of a thrill-seeker to care of that nonsense as she sped on to what possible events that were currently unfolding near her.

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

How did things end up like this? All Izaya could remember was that he came to Kyoto to take a break from work, he remembers getting an email from someone who knew his identity and requested his services. Izaya did find it suspicious, but he was bored, Kyoto was too peaceful, the humans he love so dearly were simple and temperamental, of course he did get his fill of the occasional drama, but not enough to satisfy him, not enough to bring back the boundless joy he had when he was the infamous info-broker from Shinjuku. He lost all that, now he was just Izaya Orihara, the informant. Everyday was just him working to get by and nothing more. He could no longer find a reason to chase his desires any longer, how can he when the man was now incapable of running, walking, standing, his legs holding no more use for him. His legs weren’t the only thing that was taken from him, so was his ambitions, his beliefs, and worst of all, his existence. They were all gone, all because of what happened that one night, the night he had risked it all and lost.

He loves humanity, shouldn’t that be a reason for them to love him back? He may be narcissistic, arrogant and prideful, but he’s far from delusional, it was a known fact that he wasn’t just feared by many, more importantly he was hated by many, if not all that he crossed paths with. Did this fact upset him? No... yes...? He was Izaya Orihara, who wouldn’t hate him? Nobody would ever approach him without needing his skills in some way, except maybe Shinra, but even then the doctor had never truly valued him the way he did for Celty, he wouldn’t treat him as kindly as he did for that monster, no, not monster, he was human, more than Izaya can ever hope to be. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair how someone like Shizuo Heiwajima could be loved by other humans when he was hated by everyone he met. But no matter how he complained, he knows full well that he deserved it. Now he’s alone and crippled, Izaya Orihara has hit rock bottom and he sees no way out.

When he fled he was forgotten, not immediately, but eventually every memory of him faded. There were few that were aware that he was still alive, it was for the best, after all there were those who avoided him and those who would be out for his head. A reputation like his always drew in the worst kind of enemies. But he had erased his existence, the idea that any enemies he once had would come looking for him after his death confirmation. Maybe he should’ve listened to his instincts when they told him to not respond to the letter but of course he just had to know, who was it that was aware that he was still alive. Now here he is, a man holding him by the neck, a familiar face of an old associate sneering menacingly down at him.

Izaya felt his body shake uncontrollably. He was defenseless given his current state. He wasn’t scared at the fact that people wanted him dead, he was scared that it’s going to happen. The fear he often surpressed could no longer hide displayed in his eyes. Should he scream for help, but who would help someone like him? He had no one, no hope. Maybe being killed alone by an old associate was the fate he deserved. To be killed by a nobody and become nothing himself. Izaya began to wonder what Shizuo would feel should the former bartender realize that he had failed to kill the informant himself and lost that right to a random bastard. He missed the angry blond, but never wish to cross path with the man again should he be fortunate enough to be given such mercy. The closed his eyes tight as his attacker raised a knife and moved to stab him in the neck. He kept them closed, awaiting his gruesome reality, then he felt the force holding him released followed by a loud crash. At first he kept his vision closed out of fear, but reopened them again when a minute passed and nothing happened.

Izaya’s heart felt like it had halted completely. Every part of his body ceased to move. The sight in front of him brought his greatest fears to fruition. His attacked was laying a good distance away from him, unconscious beneath a vending machine. Images of blond hair and burning brown eyes filled with untamed rage plagued his mind. The flashbacks of a familiar man in a bartender uniform arose in his head, it felt like he had returned to the hell he had left behind two years ago. He flinched as the sounds of footsteps could be heard moving towards him. Izaya didn’t dare turn to see who, he already had a good guess of who it could be. There was only one person he knew within such monstrous strength, that was why he nearly jolted out of his skin when a hand came into contact with his shoulders.

The boy swallowed a huge lump in his throat as he found the strength to move his head and faced the new presence. His eyes bulged and he blanched at the person standing next to him. Words were stuck in his throat as he could not gain the ability to speak. Should he describe what he was seeing would be to describe a reflection. A girl was staring down at him with concerned eyes. She had long black locks that fell pass her shoulders, reddish-brown eyes and fair skin. She donned a black jacket with fur trimmed hood, sleeves and around the bottom of the jacket that stopped at her waist. Underneath was a black and white striped v-neck shirt with black pants and brown boots. He was staring at a reflection, but one with a hint more feministic features.

”Are you ok?” She gave his shoulder a little squeeze. He nodded, speechless at the sight. “Thank goodness, I really hate having to resort to violence. But at least you’re unhurt.” She removed her hand from his shoulder, instead extending it out to him. “Nice to meet you. You’re Izaya Orihara, I presume. My name is Kojin, Isaiah Kojin.” The girl smiled brightly, there was a light in the boy’s eyes as he hesitantly took her hand. She knew that things were going to drastically change, starting now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Durarara belongs to Ryohgo Narita and Suzuhito Yasuda. I only own the plot and my OCs.


	2. Not Human, But A Person Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his last fight with Shizuo, Izaya did the one thing nobody thought he would do, he left Ikebukuro. Now he’s tied down to his wheelchair, assumed death by those who knew his name, Izaya Orihara became nothing more than a what used to be. On his own and continuing his career as an informant, Izaya’s life has grown quiet, lifeless. That was until he met a peculiar girl who seems to know his name and his reputation. What does she want from him? And why won’t she just leave him alone?  
> —————  
> A university graduate student in psychology and recently employed as a counseling psychologist in a mental asylum, she has seen and met many people with many views on life and their surroundings, doing all she can to improve their quality of life. Having run into the infamous informant, Izaya Orihara, this girl sees something in this dangerous man that most have overlooked and now she’s hooked. She promised that she will stop at nothing till she can show this cold-hearted individual just how human he is and just how much he is worth as himself.

“So, Ms Kojin...”

”Just call me Isaiah. Not one for formalities.” 

“Right...” Izaya gazed around the room, avoiding making eye contact with his female doppelgänger. It was crazy how identical their appearance were. No matter how many times he blinks, the scene playing out in front of him was not a dream as he thought it to be, he had already tried pinching himself, it proved nothing was a dream. He wasn’t sure how to feel about her name either, the coincidence was too much that it really messed with his head. Then there was that strength, that’s what truly hit him hard. “I wanted to thank you for your help the other day. So, yeah, thank you.”

“You feel awkward around me, don’t you? Not that I blame you, not with the whole lookalike and inhuman strength bit.” He was impressed at how quickly she picked up on that. He often pride himself as unpredictable and manipulative with others into thinking what he wants them to think of him. “If you want to why I assume that, it’d be the lack of eye contact and the weak structure in your words.” Izaya raised a brow at the girl. She seems to know a lot from the minimal actions he had done, but it was all still baseless theories, plus none of it would explain how she knew who he was that night.

”Isaiah, you and I have never met before. This I’m confident of. After all, a face like yours would be hard for me to miss.” He tried to be a little playful with his words, but it did not phased her in the slightest. Isaiah appeared to actually be amused by his statement. “I want to ask how you knew my name. Did you hear from somewhere?” She had to, the man was sure they have never met before. It’s likely she’s heard or seen pictures of him due to the rumors and such that surrounds Ikebukuro. If she’s ever been there then it would make sense.

”Well, you’re not wrong. I have seen and heard many things about you on social media, but...” Isaiah fiddled with a strand of hair, it had the same black shade exactly as Izaya’s did. “I wouldn’t say we’ve never met before yesterday, our first encounter may have been just a brief and unexpected one that’s all.”

”When?” Isaiah wanted to laugh, not at the fact that he doesn’t remember her, but at the desperation he was displaying. She knew there were two reasons why he was this interested in her. One was that she had an identical face to his, second was that she had an abnormal strength that even she herself only saw possessed by one other person. It made her wonder if that was a fear stimulant for the raven male, the visible horror was there when she had come to his rescue last night. Did he assumed she was his old nemesis? 

“I believe that is not an important matter.” Isaiah got up from her seat and walked to the kitchen nearby. The two were currently in a penthouse, her penthouse to be exact. The previous night after their one sided introduction, Isaiah had offered to escort Izaya back to his hotel. The man had agreed, albeit reluctantly, he even flinched when she had reached out to push his wheelchair. After dropping him off at his place, the girl gave him her number and address.

”I’m sure you have some things you want to ask me and I’m rather eager to speak with you as well, but unfortunately it’s rather late. If you’re interested in seeing me again, you’ll know how to find me.” She left before he has the chance to really say any. She has done so not to be rude, but realizing she may be intruding in his space and he needed time to recover from the events that just unfolded. Plus, he obviously feared her, more specifically what she had done to that man. 

Although she had given him the choice to contact her, the raven-haired girl was rather excited at the prospect of their meeting. She had called her workplace that she would be leaving work early as well as starting early to be done with things so they won’t pile up later on. Just as she had planned, that evening she got a call from Izaya Orihara saying he was waiting for her at the front of the building. Isaiah had to help the disabled man get to her place at the top floor, it involved a rather long and tensed elevator ride. Neither of the two were able to exchange words with each other as one of Isaiah’s neighbors had entered the lift and was among her about her long lost twin brother, much to their chagrin. The woman even refused to leave the lift when they arrived at her floor because Izaya had said that the two had only just met the day before. She didn’t believe him and wasted twenty whole minutes discussing and theorizing the two’s separation at birth and how they were destined to be reunited. Isaiah grew annoyed with this as she was fully aware she had only one sibling and that was definitely not Izaya Orihara. The two got away from her when Isaiah lied that she saw the lady’s cat snuck out of her apartment. The only part of the whole scenario Isaiah appreciated was the fact that Izaya was less tense then when he had entered the building. He had gone from “this woman can kill me any time” tense to “this woman can’t be trusted cus she’s a stranger” tense, big difference.

”You know, when I heard about your supposed death by Heiwajima, I found it hard to believe.” Izaya tensed in his wheelchair. The girl knew a lot about him, but if anyone knew this much about him they would only, have one of the two expected response. 1)Avoid him like the plague. 2)Approach him, only if they plan to kill him or want something for him. Izaya doubts anyone would actually try and be nice to him, nobody ever tried that before and even if they did, they leave after spending a short time with him. But now his state made it impossible to easily harm anybody, so he wondered if the girl was using it to her advantage. He felt really conflicted, she was rather interesting, the most interesting person he’s come across in Kyoto, because of her strength and also her response to him. But that strength brought back unwanted familiarity and it was clear she wasn’t afraid of him. Izaya was not the type to get scared, but he won’t deny that he felt trap. Was it a mistake for him to come over?

She came back to Izaya and handed him a cup of black tea and sat back down on her couch. From where she sat, Isaiah could see the uneasiness in Izaya through the way he rubbed his fingers against the teacup, and his eyes were downcast. “I should probably just cut to the chase, I didn’t want you here just to talk about last night and become friends or anything like that.” He knew it. Nobody ever willing seek him out for anything other than business. He was grateful he hadn’t gotten his hopes up. “First I want to thank you.” Now he was confuse again. “For saving me that night.”

”I’m sorry, but wasn’t it you who saved me last night? You couldn’t have forgotten already.” He teased, trying put back his old charisma and hide the fear and confusion. Izaya Orihara hates not being caught up on things and he wasn’t going to let her know that now. “I mean you threw a vending machine at someone. Not really easy to forget, unless you do it on a daily basis.”

Isaiah giggled. He was comparing her to his old rival. How cute! The man was the reason he was in a wheelchair yet he didn’t seem to forget about him. “No I do not do this often, in fact I’ve only done violent things when it involves self-defense, nothing more. And I wasn’t talking about last night. And the vending machine, how ironic.” Isaiah gave Izaya a strong glare, like a warning for him to not look away from her. “You save me from one about two years ago. You see I got caught in one of your chase with a certain angry man in a bartender suit. You probably don’t remember since chases like that is common for you, isn’t it?” He nodded. “But I can never forget the night I first saw you, even if neither of you acknowledged me. You see I told some friends about the encounter and they all warned me to stay away, so I did. But someone, an old buddy of mine, ask a favor of me, around a week ago I believe. They told me to help you. That’s why I was so happy that I was able to find you, the alive part makes it so much better too. They told me about the injury too, I didn’t really believe till I saw it myself.”

”They? Who’s they?” Things were growing a little shady all of a sudden. So somebody disclosed information about him to her. Who?

”Sorry, but I’m obliged to keep that to myself. They had asked to stay anonymous on the matter.” There were some names that came to mind the moment Isaiah had said anonymous. Izaya knew there were still people who knew he was alive, the man the other day may have only been coincidental, but others know because he told them or they are just that well-informed on the matter. There was Shiki and Tsukumoya, but would anyone of them asked for help from some girl he’s never even heard about? More Importantly, would they even seek help for his sake? Shiki cared in his own way, but he had known about the injury from the beginning, it didn’t made sense to wait two whole years. And Tsukumoya, that one only do things involved with Ikebukuro, but Izaya was no longer a part of that.

“Still there’s one thing I need to clear up. I don’t know you, Isaiah. Not really wise to simply put my trust in someone I don’t know. This could all just be a trick for all I know. Who Are you and what exactly do you do for a living?”

”I told you my name already, but I guess I can say a little more. I’m Isaiah Kojin, a medical graduate student from Ruminas Academy and I work as a psychologist and psychiatrist at the Kyoto mental asylums and hospital, I’m only a part timer for the latter though. I’m 26 years old and I’m engaged to my fiancé who I will not say anything about.” A psychologist, so she had proper medical training, despite being rather young, around three years younger than him actually. He wasn’t sure about the engaged bit, he did notice her ring, but it was worn on her pointer finger in place of the ring finger, then again it could all just be a lie. What the man couldn’t wrap his head around was why did anyone bothered to contact her in the first place? Who would even care if he’s permanently bound to a wheelchair, he could caused less trouble this way, wasn’t that what they all wanted? He was out of the picture, nobody would cared if he was dead or alive at this point. “I can see the internal struggle you’re dealing with. I’m a professional, and rather well-known in my fields. You’re probably used to being looked at by more confidential types when seeking medical attention, but believe me when I say I can help you.” Izaya didn’t think anyone he knew would ever go for someone who didn’t have some kind of shady background, it was what he was used to. He can’t seem to come up with a solid theory on who her employer is. “But despite what my client said and the amount he was willing to pay me, you're the patient. Your consent is what’s needed if I’m gonna go through with this.”

”So I have a choice? I’m used to people telling me I need to go see a doctor or they’ll drag me there.” Not a lie. He usually hated being looked at like he was fragile and weak. Main reasons why he hated that he needed someone to look after him whenever he’s hurt. Besides, Shinra would never treat him like that. The man was passionate in his line of work, but it was always overshadowed by his love for Celty, so Izaya never really had to worry about being seen in critical condition by Shinra. He wondered what would things be like had he gone to him after the fight, would he even cared?

”Izaya, I can’t force you to seek help. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. Trust me, using force in that situation will only make things worst. I want to know your opinion, it’s the only way the procedures will work. Without cooperation from your end, well we’d get nowhere in healing your condition. You don’t have to tell me immediately, take some time to think it over.”

”I have one question.”

”Yeah?”

”Why are you doing this? If I have the choice to go through with this, don’t you have a choice to except the request from this friend of yours? You are aware of who I am, right?”

”No, I’m a aware of who you used to be. Who you are now is still a mystery. And the request was from someone I couldn’t say no to, not that I minded, been looking forward to thanking you for quite some time.” Isaiah gazed outbursts of the window for a moment before turning to face Izaya. The playful smirk and confident physique were gone at that moment. All that was left was an honest smile. “I just genuinely think you are a good person, regardless of what I’ve been told. I think you just need a little push to see it as well. I can guess that you’ve already hit rock bottom, but I can help you get back up on your feet...” She extended a hand towards him. “You just have to let me help.”

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

Confused. He has never been this befuddled in all his life. Help?! Him?! The Izaya Orihara! The only thing anyone would help do is give him a one way ticket to his grave. They would not help him recover, anyone that knows him wouldn’t give him a second glance if he was dying on the floor, bleeding out. If anything, they’d be more worried about the floor and potential dead body before they ever be worried about him. Whoever hired Isaiah wanted to help him though. But why, did that person want something from him, if that’s the case then what exactly is it? Nothing made sense anymore. 

“You’ve already hit rock bottom, but I can help you get back up on your feet. You just have to let me help.” He couldn’t deny how genuine she had sounded. For a moment he almost trusted her too, but that was impossible. Even if they knew the bare minimum of each other, they were still technically strangers. She should know that him being able to walk again would mean going back to his old life, which many people have phrased as “ruining other people’s lives”. Maybe she wanted that, or did her employer wanted that. Because if that was what they’re after then they won’t get it. He’s learned his lesson, he never ever plans to go back. He’s lost, that was the reality of things and he excepted it with open arms. “I just genuinely think you are a good person, regardless of what I’ve been told.”

”You’re either telling the truth or are an amazing actor.” Izaya didn’t really believe that anyone would be nice for the sake of being nice, there’s always some ulterior motive. He fidgeted in his wheelchair, trying to maneuver his body onto his hotel bed. He had agreed to give Isaiah an answer later, he wanted to think it over first. She helped escort him back to his place. They had another run in with that lady from before and her cat. She kept going on about stories of him and Isaiah being twins or clones. It was all ridiculous, he then found out from Isaiah that she actually is an author, it explained the overly detailed descriptions she was giving with her theories. It made Izaya think back to all the supernaturals he was used to associating with back in Ikebukuro. He wondered how that lady would react to hearing stories of the headless rider. Celty would probably be mad at him for spreading rumors about her. She would be writing angrily into her PDA. He’d be smirking at her as she remains oblivious to the head he kept hidden in his apartment. They weren’t friends, but they weren’t necessarily enemies. She would actually be the few that would show some concern over his well-being, even if she would only be doing it for Shinra’s sake.

It wasn’t really a wonder why so many people liked her, regardless of what she is. Kind people like Celty are bound to find happiness, the only problems are the disturbance caused by bad people that try to take away that happiness, bad people like him. He wasn’t so fortunate as to have friends like the dullahan did, but he can’t blame anyone but himself for that. Everything he got reflected on everything he did. He was a monster. He saw people hurt and in pain and he laughed at it, he found pleasure in watching them struggle. He poked fun on their doubts. He literally smiles and mock people as they try and end their own lives, no one in their right minds would ever care for him.

”I just genuinely think you are a good person.”

”No, you don’t. You don’t know me.”

”I think you are a good person.”

”I am a horrible person. You’re just saying nonsense.”

”You are a good person.”

”Stop.”

”A good person.”

”STOP! I’m a monster! I know I am! I don’t deserve help! I deserve this! It’s my own fault...” He felt like tearing out his hair. Anything, anything to stop those words from calling him a good person. He felt his chest hurt all of a sudden. He can only imagine how anyone he once knew would react if they were to find out he was called a good person. He can imagine how Shizuo would react. How funny that would be. Izaya felt himself cool down at the thought of the blond, even if he was picturing the man berating his morals, it’s not like he was wrong. “I don’t deserve to change.”

”You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.”

He hugged a pillow close to his chest as he glossed over Isaiah’s words. She had a point. “Do I want to be save?” What was holding him back? The old him would never allow himself to stay in such a weak and vulnerable state. But after that fight, he could’ve gone to a doctor, to Shinra and eventually recovered, but instead he ran and chose to let himself be confined to a wheelchair. Was it guilt? Maybe he believes this was a fitting punishment for everything he’s done. Crippled and alone, yeah it was the perfect punishment for him.

Izaya rolled over in bed and took out his phone. He had a text from Haruto and three missed calls. He smiled a bit. The boy was still oblivious of his involvement with his father’s death, but he still clings to Izaya. Just as he was about to reply to the boy’s text, his phone started ringing.

”Hello?”

”Izaya, it’s Manami. Where are you? I got a call from Haruto that you didn’t answer any of his calls.” He smiled. He wonders how she’ll react if he told her the truth. It had been quite some time since they spoke to each other, but he still wouldn’t call Manami his friend. She had made it clear that she only stuck around to see him die. That night had been a close call, had Isaiah not showed up.

”Tell him I’m sorry, I got caught up with a meeting with someone.”

”Another client?”

”Not exactly.” Should he ask her? Confirm his suspicions that he was hated by everyone. It’s not like she cared about him. She wants him dead just like so many others. Would it be worth knowing? “Manami, are we...”

”What? Are we what?”

”N-never mind. It’s not important. Bye.” He ended the call before she could say anymore. A part of him was screaming at himself for backing out like that. It made him feel like a coward. Someone who runs away when things no longer are in his favours, just like he’s always been. He hasn’t changed, if it weren’t for his legs, he hasn’t changed at all. He couldn’t run, but he was still a coward, playing things off on the side while others take the blunt for his actions.

”I’m aware of who you used to be. Who you are is still a mystery.”

”But I haven’t changed at all. I’m just the same despicable man I was two years ago. I can’t change.” Izaya gazed at his phone, deciding to check the message Haruto left for him. Turns out it was a voice message. He pressed play. 

“Izaya-san, how are you?! Himari and I really miss you.” Izaya could hear her grumbled something along the lines of ‘I Hate You.’ in the back. He knew exactly who it was directed towards. “Izaya-san, when are you coming back? I have this maths question I want you to help me with.” Izaya couldn’t help but chuckled a little at his boisterous voice. Haruto always asked him for help, whenever there was something he wanted to know he would always ask Izaya first before doing anything he’s unsure with. Himari was a lot more distant than Haruto, but she was motivated to get better. Izaya was impressed with how much she grew since he first took her under his wing. He couldn’t help but feel that they deserved so much better. He couldn’t leave them behind after what had gone down with their families. The two were staying with Sozoro while he went to Kyoto. A break was what he needed and a break from him was what Sozoro and Himari needed. He knew they hated him, but had their reasons to stick by his side. Haruto would have been the same had he knew the truth. He deserves to know the truth, Izaya just didn’t know how to tell him. He feared that it would break the boy, he had idolize him, he even said he was willing to throw away his humanity to become like Izaya. He didn’t want that. Haruto was a kind boy. He didn’t deserve to be lied to and be used by Izaya, but the truth would break him and this scares Izaya.

”How do I fix this?” He contemplated Isaiah’s offer. If she was being genuine then maybe she could help. But can he ever wash away his past by starting over, after all it was that past that kept him from truly recovering. Giving the message one last run through, the raven came to a decision.

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

(Private Chatroom)

~Kenta has entered the chat.~

~Shuu has entered the chat.~

Kenta: I’m here. What do you need me for?

Shuu: The assignment. I made contact with the subject. 

Kenta: So you’re going through with what I asked for?

Shuu: Sort of.

Kenta: ?

Shuu: I’m giving him the choice.

Kenta: Not surprised. It’s typical of you to do something like that. I actually anticipated it.

Shuu: If you knew then why make such a pushy offer? I remember how much you were willing to pay me to go through with this plan.

Kenta: I’ll still pay even if it fails. I just really need someone to do this for him.

Shuu: How did you even know he was alive? 

Kenta: I just do. He’s important to me.

Shuu: Why? Why do you desperately want this?

Kenta: It’s what he deserves. And I won’t be satisfied otherwise.

Shuu: And you chose me of all people. You know my methods can be a bit extreme. Can he even take it?

Kenta: I have faith.

Shuu: 😒 

Kenta: No one should have to go through what he’s going through. 

Shuu: Don’t know about that. Most people believe that someone like him is a monster. And monster should not be allowed to live, because their happy ending would result in the end of humanity.

Kenta: Be it what an average person or an eccentric one, they’re still a person at heart. We all feel something and we only act to fill what we believe we’re missing. If he has a heart then he can still feel, if he has a brain he can still think. If he’s still alive, he still has a soul. He can still be saved.

Shuu: You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.

Kenta: You can’t hear yourself when the naysayers’ voices cloud your judgement. 

Shuu: Death can be liberation from a life of suffering.

Kenta: And suicide is surrendering to life and all those that you let influence your perspective of it. 

Shuu: Alright, fine, you win. I’ll do what I can. Still I’m not going to force him. I want to help him, but I can’t forcefully pull him back up, he needs to pick himself up or it’ll only hurt more.

Kenta: He’ll say yes. Count on it.

Shuu: TTYL 

~Shuu has left the chat.~

Kenta: Please don't give up on him. 

~Kenta has left the chat.~

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

“Hello? Isaiah Kojin speaking.” Isaiah said as she held her phone to her ear.

”Hey, it’s Izaya. Can we meet tomorrow? I want to talk about the offer.”

”Sure. I know a cafe nearby. I’ll send you the address. So you made up your mind?” 

“Yeah, I’ll accept but I have some conditions I want to clarify with you first.” She hummed in agreement. There was a sound of a sigh of relief coming from the other end of the line. “Cool, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

”Bye, Izaya. Have a good evening.” Isaiah hung up, saving the number to her contact list. The raven made a quick call to her boss and asked for a day off tomorrow morning. She agreed to do a night shift for that day instead. When the call was done, Isaiah laid down on her bed. Brown eyes stared up at the ceiling, dazed and unfocused. “You really know a lot about Izaya Orihara, don’t you Kenta? Just what do you get out of this?” She pulled up a picture of said man on her phone. It brought a smile to her face. The picture was of her and him during their graduation ceremony from Ruminas. The boy was grinning brightly while she had her tongue stuck out. “But since it’s you, I’ll trust your judgment. You’ve never led me astray before. Your lucky, Izaya. Someone must truly care for your wellbeing. I’m almost jealous.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Durarara belongs to Ryohgo Narita and Suzuhito Yasuda. I only own the plot and my OCs.


	3. You’re Still An Innocent

Izaya has never felt so awful in his entire life! He thought she was going to help him. He thought there was some way to move past all this fear and regret he kept bottled up, but every word the girl in front of him had spewed only solidify his own thoughts. He was a monster. He deserved to be hated. Izaya was just a despicable person which the world would be better off without. He was the worst. A hindrance that held everybody back, all for his own twisted entertainment. His eyes stung as he force back tears from spilling. No matter what, he refused to let this girl see him break. 

”Are you done? Anything else you want to say about me?! I should’ve known this was how things were. It’s what I deserve after all.” His voice cracked as he spoke. “What I deserve...”

”You think this is what you deserve...?” Isaiah gave the man an uninterested look. Her bored brown eyes meeting his broken ones. One look and she could tell he was close to breaking down. “Considering your past. I say the pain and suffering everybody else endured was far worst than mere words. What you put them through. Yet you choose to believe that guilt over your actions is enough to atone for them. Wow. I did not expect this much. All I can say is that this is the only thing you deserve now...” Isaiah moved closer to Izaya. The man was trapped, he couldn’t get away in his wheelchair. All he could do was close his eyes and brace himself for what was to come. The girl extended her hands out and reached out to hold the back of his neck. He shuddered as the cold digits grasped his neck, which was surprisingly slender. It would take much of her to beak it at all, just a little force was needed and it would be over for him.

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

(Earlier that day.)

Izaya was trying his best not to give away his anxiety as he waited at the cafe. Isaiah was running really late. The man couldn’t help but question his reason for being there, what if the whole helping him thing ended up being some practical joke. For once in his life, Izaya Orihara had doubts. He was never the type who would second guess himself, but having woken up from the deranged reality he created for himself, he couldn’t help but feel more vulnerable. In front of his enemies and his clients he kept a confident front, but it has grown frail over time. He would have to go to extreme measures whenever his life was threatened, he can’t save himself anymore. But he didn’t want to die, so he would go to great lengths to ensure his own safety from the dangerous occupation he continuously pursue.

”Sorry, did I kept you?” The man jolted slightly at the unsuspecting hand that rested on his shoulder. 

“Isaiah?! You came out of nowhere.”

”Sorry.” She giggled and took a seat facing him. “Got some work I had to do from yesterday and then I had to make a quick call to someone that lasted longer than I originally anticipated.” Her eyes looked him over, scrutinizing him. She could see him ease his breathing now that she was properly identified. Isaiah assumed he was probably having doubts. According to Kenta he was rather proud and always thought his actions through, so the incident with Heiwajima may have created some faults in his judgment, he wasn’t as confident as he was described either. That would be either the injury or something more mental being played. “How are you, Izaya?”

”I’m alright. So I was hoping to get down to business. I accept your offer, but can you really help me walk again?” There was a way, he knew that himself, but he wanted to test out Isaiah’s professionalism. See for himself if she was as good as she claimed to be. “Ever since my last day in Ikebukuro, I am unable to fully recover. My legs always sting when I try. They hurt too much to stand.”

”I highly doubt that.” He raised a brow at her. “You’re fully recovered physically. Your bones and muscles that were damaged from the fight should have been healed, at least to the average human capacity. There were videos of your fight and from what I saw, you were stabbed. I can only assume that your legs were injured earlier on, the adrenaline must have kept you moving. But from the damage that fight caused you, you wouldn’t be alive if you didn’t seek medical attention once you got out of the place. I have confidence you have physically recovered. I don’t have confidence that you can jump from building to building, but standing or walking does not require leg muscles to be too strained. You also appear to underweight for someone your age, your upper body would not have created much pressure on your legs either. So the problem is not your physical state, meaning it’s your mental state. Your body remembers the pain and the fear in you is what keeps it going. You can’t move pass the memory and it caused you to not move at all.” 

He was impressed. She was able to deduce so much just from little evidence. Still it was a rather presumptuous theory. There was no evidence that he had seek medical help nor was there anyone around when he was struck into a building by Shizuo. “May I ask how you came to such a conclusion? Or are you just making pretentious assumptions?”

”You would’nt be able to cross your legs otherwise.” Isaiah fired back confidently. At this point she acknowledged that he was testing her. Not that it would do much to waver her professionalism. She may have been a top student in psychology, but she also branched out to many other things like medicine and philosophy. “I think that you can do that proves that your body unconsciously responds to only when you try to stand or walk and run. In other words, there’s a direct link with your injury and your past. You were quite the sight back then, spectacularly maneuvering your body with ease as you were being chased. Breathtaking. Now it seems you are suffering from a psychosomatic injury.” Right to the point. She didn’t miss a single beat in her explanation. It was not as simple as to understand when a person is suffering from psychosomatic unless they were tested for it first. Unknown to Izaya, Isaiah had more than enough intel from a reliable source to back up those reasonings.

”You’re right. Not even off by any mark. Guess you really are a professional.” She nodded happily. “But still if we do go through with this I have some terms we need to negotiate first.”

”I’m listening.” Isaiah leaned over the table and rested her chin atop of her interlinked hands.

”Well, first I want to know what exactly you’re going to have me do. Second, I’m allowed to refuse it should the process be done in a way I find inappropriate, or just unappealing to me. And lastly, if I’m going to be doing therapy with you, then you must agree to... well at least try...” Isaiah watched as Izaya tried to form words to finish his sentence. He seemed to be in conflict whether or not he should say what he intended to let her hear. “If I let you know more about me... then it may end up personal, so... I’d be more compliant if we... become friends...?”

”...”

”...”

”You're joking right? Why would I be friends with you?” He looked her in the eyes. A lump had formed in his throat. What was he supposed to say to that? He wanted to play it off as it was a simple joke, but those words brought pain to his chest. It tore at his pride to agree to her offer. It wounded his ego to show up today. He was willing to try and make a difference and move past his doubts to say those words, yet this was her response? “I mean helping a guy like you is already going to put a damper on my reputation as a psychologist. Most of my friends are probably going to think I’m insane. If it weren’t for the money I wouldn’t have even bothered. Seriously, no one with half a brain would ever befriend you, I mean you’re useful, but really really unreliable. So, no. I can do this as a professional, but friends, never in a million years!”

He clenched his hands into knuckles till they turned white. Nails dug mercilessly into the flesh of his palms, leaving behind little crescent scratches. He forced a poker face as she went on and on. His breathing felt shorter all of a sudden, but it didn’t bothered him. His focus was on every word Isaiah had said. “Friends” the one thing he never truly had. He knows what it is, but his understanding only scratched the surface, he never thought he’d be the one insinuating it. Everything about friendship ruins his life philosophy, ‘not being too close or too far’. But then there was Shinra, at times he really was his only friend, he wasn’t sure about him, but Izaya did fear losing the bond they had. It made him doubt himself, he went to a hospital to get his head check even, the friendship made him human. And the more he listened to Isaiah the more he started to see Shinra. Did his only friend only kept him around because he was useful? The thought brought a strong sensation into his system. He wanted to run away, but from what? His heart just wouldn’t slow down. It hurts, there was no specific place, it just hurt him so much. He wanted to laugh, just how human was he being right now?

”Izaya, any friends of yours are either crazy people or simply ignorant of what you are.” He bit his lip, forcing back the words that wanted to lash out. It wouldn’t help even if he defended himself, because what she said was true. What would he even prove? Still, to know it and to hear someone say it were two entirely different things. Was this how Manami felt when he criticized her reasoning for wanting to end her life? It was the truth you knew, but from the mouth of another it felt all the more harsh. To the individual there was reasons behind every action, but to others that have no access to their thoughts, it was a vague understanding that would be dubbed incompetent, and that was how he had treated so many people. “Izaya, the way you behave... If I’m being honest, everything you did was for you to derive joy from the misery of others. You’re a monster.”

That was it. The truth he knew but always dismissed. The word he used to label someone else, the word he used as reason to treat his rival the way he did. Guess it’s true what they say, others treat you the way you treat them.

”Are you done?”

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

(Present time)

He froze at the feeling of Isaiah’s firm hold on his neck. He refused to open his eyes and look into her eyes. The fear was far more than he could endure, but with his eyes closed the hands felt different. In his mind the person holding him by the neck was someone else entirely. It was a man with bright blond hair, there was anger seeping from him as he glared furiously at Izaya with murderous brown eyes that glinted dangerously behind blue glasses. Unconsciously he shakily reached over and grabbed the wrist of the hands, but no pressure was applied nor did he tried to remove it. Was he going to beg for his life? Yes. He was scared, but Izaya didn’t want to die. Death was far more scarier.

The man partially opened his eyes, remnants of tears clouded his vision and blurred everything he see. Yet even then, he could not remove the blond from his sights. He’s not real, that was what Izaya kept telling himself, but it made no difference, he only felt that same fear pressing down on him.

”Fear...?” Isaiah looked at him expectantly. She can only assume he was off in his own world as of the moment. He was looking at her, but there was pure terror in his eyes, much worse than what she saw the night she saved him. “I’m scared of you, Shizu-chan...” Isaiah decided to take a risk and pressed the man’s throat, but only lightly, enough to remind him where her hands were and what they could do. It had to be believable, she still needed to prove if what she want to believe he is to be the truth. “But I’m sorry. I-I promise I won’t ever go back, I’ll let you have your peace. I’m sorry. I-I’m really s-sorry.” Where was it? The one word she needed to hear him. The one word that proved he still had hope moving forward. Why wasn’t he saying it?

He didn't know what else to say. The F-word did pop up in his mind a couple of times, but it was stuck in his throat. What rights did he have to ask for such mercy? Had he been the man he was long ago he would never said if due to pride, but now he can’t find a proper reason that he have to use the word. Isaiah had been right, he did horrible things. He may not have made a direct contact to the problems he caused to the others, but he was the starting factor that created the butterfly affect. He sat back and watch as everything around him crash and burn, just because he wanted to see what certain people would do in that situation. He treated all humans the exact same way, as toys. He claim to love them, but just like a child claiming to love their toys, he was only interested in them for as long as they were interesting, then disregard them once something better shows up, not caring about the state he had left them in, likely broken and no longer able to fulfill their purpose. His love for humans lasted this long because there were so many to replace each other once one gets too boring. He had never loved one person for a very long time, not even as a child. As he got older he just detached himself from loving anyone to that extent as whole, instead choosing to love them all the same, at face value. The only person he had invested so much of his time on for longer than anyone else was the one human he claimed to hate and can never love. Maybe his hate is more true than his love, his hatred was not at face value, but was much deeper, so deep he himself never found the answer. Yet he kept coming back, bringing the mutual hatred to the surface, why? So he could understand his own reasons for the feeling, or did he do it because it was more honest than his love for humanity? If you hate something, you would avoid it or try to get rid of it. But there was no need to get rid of that man, they didn’t even live in the same city. 

What do you say when you feel regretful of your past actions? You say “I’m sorry”. What do you say when you want to move on from those regretful moments, but don’t believe you deserve that kind of mercy? “Forgive me”? What can he do to make up for it all? Izaya tightened his grip on the hands around his neck. All he can do is be honest, his lies was the reason he fell so deep, but maybe the truth could help from rise back up, or at the very least help him breathe easy with where he now stood.

”I’m sorry, but please... I don’t want to die now, not like this.” So much thoughts in his head. So many unspoken words. Too many incomprehensible feelings. It was overbearing, he could feel his voice crack. The edge of his eyes were tearing up, they threatened to fall. Words are abstract, they are not like physical pain, but something abstract could create unimaginable pain for a person. Izaya reached out with one hand and grasp Isaiah’s cheek in his palm. He knew it was her in front of him, but from what his eyes were showing it was still the blond he always hated. “I know what I did. I don’t want to die as the person you knew me as. You’ll never stop hating me, neither would I to you. But I don’t want to hold on to this hatred for the rest of my life. I don’t want the last thing I feel, the last thing I think of being you! Please, I’m begging you, let me move on...”

He felt the hold around his neck loosened and instead lightly pushed him forward into a comforting hug. He blinked a couple of times as fresh tears began to brim his eyes. The blond he was so fearful of no longer there, he felt more at ease now that he was gone. Instead he could clearly see Isaiah holding him gently, as if any force applied would break him, maybe it would considering her strength. He had to pull his face away from her chest, which was surprisingly soft despite how flat she appeared to be, hopefully she would never find out he thought that or he’ll definitely be punched. Isaiah was looking down at him with a satisfied and proud smile. Her brown eyes glowing with empathy.

”I’m glad you feel that. I’m glad that I was right about you.” He felt her pet his back soothingly. It was a little humiliating that she saw him cry, especially after she had threatened to kill him and brought back terrible memories, but he felt safe somehow. Guess there was still hope for him and her being friends. “Izaya Orihara, you’re still an innocent.” He blushed at the comment, realizing what he had said to this girl, who was still a stranger to him. Well, perhaps they have already passed that threshold and became acquaintances.

”Does this mean that murder attempt of yours was a test?!” Izaya pushed her off him. It didn’t take much strength as she let go of him willingly and raised her hands in surrender.

”Bingo.” She finger gun him.

”WHY?!” He was scared half to death. Izaya has always messed with people’s emotion, but nobody had ever been good enough to do the same for him. Was this what it was like to be on the receiving end of someone’s mind games, he never knew how hurtful it was for his emotions to be played with. He would have been more infuriated with Isaiah, who seemed to have enjoyed the whole ordeal had he not been overflowed with guilt of reflecting all those times he had done the same to so many people.

”Why? Why not?” The girl said offhandedly. There was no hint of regret in her eyes. No sadness, nor understanding. Yet there was no amusement either. The way she had phrased things, Isaiah made a calculated move and everything had gone down the way she wanted it to. Nothing had exceeded her expectation, it was all part of a plan. This did not made Izaya feel any better about himself. It wasn’t hard for him to see himself in her, I mean she already has his looks down. They say you can’t really understand others opinion of you unless you experience it firsthand, it was becoming more and more true. “The other day, you came to the conclusion rather quickly. You said you wanted my help, but... I doubt you did it for the reason I offered.” He refused to make contact with her, but Isaiah was patient. Being upset was understandable given their situation. She did find his uncharacteristic pout rather innocent. “I said I’ll help you move pass what’s keeping you down. But you, someone told me that you wanted something different. You don’t think you can move forward, but you do want to forget the reason you’re like this and for others to forget it too. Is that right?” 

“...” She sighed. He wasn’t going to give her an answer willingly, but his internal struggle was evident in his eyes. The man had not been able to look at her directly, he was nervous, surprisingly for someone like him. From what she had gathered, even after he left Ikebukuro, Izaya was still awfully confident in himself, so what reason did he have to be so timid around her? She had two theories, one it was the fear of his past rival, two the realization that his sins may never set him free, and she was the core indicator of both traits. She needed to be different, from both him and the rival he once had.

”You know, the reason I did that...I wanted to see if you had the motivation to keep on living.” He stiffened and glared harshly at her. He was not suicidal! Sure being an informant for many of his clients brought him into dangerous waters, but that was in no way him disregarding his own life. “I’m not saying your suicidal, if that’s what you’re thinking. What I’m trying to say is, is there a reason for you to keeping going on with this life? The mundane life you now have, practically forgotten and no longer cared for by even people who still acknowledge you. Is that how you want to live your life from now on? All the emptiness and misery bottled up inside. Forever regretting your actions but never trying to fix them. Is this how you want your legacy to end?”

”N-no!” He finally spoke. Isaiah smirked at his response. She was starting to get results. 

“Is that why you always interfere with other people’s lives? To be noticed? Or is it something else?” She look at him for a brief moment, before she was hit by a sudden realization, figuratively and literally. They were still in a public space. “Ow! What the heck, Shin!” She said to a young man carrying a tray with coffee and pastries. He wore an apron and had a name tag placed over a pocket by his chest. She wondered how long he was listening in, hopefully he didn’t hear too much.

”Sorry, I know you told me to make sure no one interfere with this little act you’re both rehearsing, but that looks a little too real. I couldn’t hold back the urge to smack you for tormenting him.” The waiter turned towards Izaya. The similarity between the man and his regular customer was so identical he was afraid to ask what their relations were. He was more unnerved by something else. “Sir, are you ok? I’ve been told this was just an act, but I want to at least make sure.” Isaiah rolled her eyes. Shin was an awfully friendly fellow, friendly to every customer, except her. He didn’t hate Isaiah, just cautious. The man had once experience Isaiah’s mind games firsthand, even if there was no ill-intent, he knows how far of a risk the girl would take to get results. He’s not going to let that happen, not in his workplace.

“I’m alright.” Izaya lied smoothly. Though it would have been more convincing had he not been trying to remove the remnants of tear from his face. “The script is just really moving.” It was best to just play along to Isaiah’s jest, far better than being caught crying by a passerby. Izaya Orihara does not cry, he should be showing any weakness, but even now it was hard to keep himself together. “Sorry if we bothered your work.”

”No worries, you’re a really convincing actor, I’ll admit. The choking and crying look so real I was scared for a moment. You have no idea how many people were asking if you were ok. You had the whole cafe on the edge of their seats.” Izaya laughed nervously. He had been so caught up with his thoughts he forgotten he was in a public space, he did forget Isaiah was there for a while. The only ones he didn’t forget were the ones that weren't even there. It was so ironic he couldn’t help but smile at his own dismay, but the waiter, Shin, misread this and assumed that Izaya was getting better. “Well, if it’s alright over here, I’ll being getting back to my shift now.” He gave Isaiah a gesture indicating he was keeping his eyes on her, she gave him a raised brow, not the least bothered by his gesture, before leaving the two be.

”Izaya...?” He hesitantly match her gaze. “You probably hate me and won’t trust a thing I say from here on out, but I really do want to help you. But if your intentions is to fix your past wrongs, then you first need to accept your faults and not doubt your chances to becoming a better person. Self-love is needed in every person’s life, there’s nothing wrong with it.” Coming from someone who had earlier pointed out all that was wrong with him, there was something horribly wrong with this girl. “If you still want my help, then there’s only one condition I have... Izaya, what do you think of yourself?”

”Someone the world is better off without.” That was a concerningly fasr response. But she wasn’t discouraged, he did say it himself, he didn’t want to die as what people currently think of him now. He hasn’t given up on life, no, maybe he just fears death. He didn’t quite cherish his life, he was just probably too scared of death. Yet even with all there major flaws and crimes committed, there was almost no hint of malice behind his actions. According to Kenta, Izaya’s drive was his love for humanity, so does that mean he simply did things because he can and was curious. It was strangely innocent, like a child digging for answers their parents refuse them. Izaya Orihara was an innocent, a misunderstood and misguided innocent. If you let a child go off on their own they would take any path they would like, without thinking of the consequences or if there were any pros to begin. They do it simply because they think it’s fun. Easy or hard, fast or slow, dangerous or safe, an innocent child knows nothing of this nor do they care, as long as they can enjoy it that’s all that truly matters. This is why parents need to guide children in their early stages. Maybe Izaya was no different, he may have been left to his own devices for too long for him to acknowledge the words of others above his own priorities. She’ll have to question him about his past relationships at a later date, doubtful he would give her any thing too personal right now.

”Is that how you feel? Or it’s what you’ve heard people say about you?” He gave no reply. “Right. So about my condition and yours. I’m willing to comply, but for this to work, I need you to give me your trust. As a patient to a doctor and hopefully as friends. You have a choice, but what happened today, I will warn you I will take risks and you may break before we reach the ends. Do you want to go on with this?”

”...You’re really crazy, you know. You made me do something I never done since I was in kindergarten. But, everything you said is right. I want to go back and apologize, yet I know they would never accept it. I don’t need them to accept it, I just want to let them know, know that I am sorry.” He stared down. Thinking back to Shinra, what would he say if he knew he was alive? Wait, that’s not possible, his only friend was far out of reach, if he goes back he’ll undoubtedly die. “Can you really help me? I hate to beg, but I don’t want to continue like this. I don’t want people to hate me, especially my friends, so if you can turn things around and get over this issue,” he gestured to his wheelchair, “then I don’t mind taking the risks. I wouldn’t mind us becoming friends, real friends. Loving humans as a whole can only get me so much joy, I’m still more miserable than the average joe.”

Isaiah watched him, impressed. She didn’t think she broke him that much, she may have taken his fear a little too lightly. Admitting his problems to someone he could barely trust, not to mention attempted to kill him seconds ago, well she was a licensed psychiatrist and psychologist, technically she’s a doctor. Still, trust was not yet something they registered between them. 

“So we are in agreement?”

”Yes.” Izaya was confident. He didn’t want to back out after saying all that he said. He was scared of Shizuo, Isaiah is not Shizuo. He can work things out, he’s still the infamous informant from Shinjuku after all.

”Good. I’ll send you a schedule sometimes tomorrow. We’ll have to meet regularly, perhaps at least twice a week. Do tell me if anything comes up? Oh, and be careful.”

”Of what?”

”You got a bodyguard?” He shook his head no. “You’re a walking target, I am pretty sure there’s tons of people who wants you dead should they know you’re still alive. If you need help, call this number.” She handed him a slip of paper. “Tell the person that it was me who asked for it. He owes me a favor.”

”Thanks.” 

The two decided to end the day there. Of course it involved Isaiah needing to give a proper “explanation” to Shin, but she was able to help her lookalike to his place. Izaya fell asleep as she was pushing him back to his hotel room. He look really peaceful and not as intimidating or insane as he’s often described to be. He was so innocent in his sleep, reminded her of those pictures her grandmother keep of her, the ones where she fell asleep on a road trip, half the time with her face smooshed against the glass window. Friends, Izaya must have been really lonely, but had gotten used to it, so much that he never noticed it or was in plain denial. Now the pain of solitude had come back to bite him, she’ll have to do everything she can to lessen that pain. But like she is to him, Isaiah does not know this man that well.

”I should give Kenta a call.” 

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

(Private Chatroom)

~Shuu has entered the chat~

Shuu: Kenta get back to me as soon as possible!

(10 minutes later)

~Kenta has entered the chat~

Shuu: What took you so long?!

Kenta: Good to hear from you too.

Shuu: I almost strangled Izaya.

Kenta:🤬

Kenta: WHAT?!?! I told you not to go too far! Why don’t you ever listen to me?

Shuu: Uh huh, whatever. Any advice to approach this “friendship” I now have. You’re the Izaya expert here.

Kenta: Be nice to him. 

Kenta: Try asking him about his past, before any of the madness kicked in.

Kenta: Then make him talk about himself, not other people, hate or love him, just focus a conversation on him specifically.

Kenta: Get him some sushi, specifically fatty tuna, to lighten the tension between you.

Shuu: So it’s not strange of me to give him food he like even though I knew almost nothing about him prior?

Kenta: He’ll be too distracted by the food to bother asking.

Shuu: Ok, well I gtg. Night.

~Shuu has left the chat.~

Kenta: Take care. Of yourself and Izaya.

Kenta: Tell him I said goodnight Kanra-chan.

~Kenta has left the chat.~

~Shuu has entered the chat.~

Shuu: Who’s Kanra?

~Shuu has left the chat.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Durarara belongs to Ryohgo Narita and Suzuhito Yasuda. I only own the plot and my OCs.


	4. Talk To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his last fight with Shizuo, Izaya did the one thing nobody thought he would do, he left Ikebukuro. Now he’s tied down to his wheelchair, assumed death by those who knew his name, Izaya Orihara became nothing more than a what used to be. On his own and continuing his career as an informant, Izaya’s life has grown quiet, lifeless. That was until he met a peculiar girl who seems to know his name and his reputation. What does she want from him? And why won’t she just leave him alone?  
> —————  
> A university graduate student in psychology and recently employed as a counseling psychologist in a mental asylum, she has seen and met many people with many views on life and their surroundings, doing all she can to improve their quality of life. Having run into the infamous informant, Izaya Orihara, this girl sees something in this dangerous man that most have overlooked and now she’s hooked. She promised that she will stop at nothing till she can show this cold-hearted individual just how human he is and just how much he is worth as himself.

The toy was broken. A girl was bleeding from her forehead, she was crying nonstop. The teachers all glared at him. His classmates were scared and furious with him. In his hand was half of the broken toy, blood drips from its edges. He watched them as their hateful stares directed towards him.

“Hey, are you ok?” Izaya watched as they tried to console the girl. He didn’t quite understand, it was an accident, so why were they so mad at him? It wasn’t his fault, she had tried to take his toy, he had it first. If she hadn’t bothered him, it wouldn’t have happened. Yet he was blamed, she was treated like a fragile doll and he was looked at like he was scum. 

Should he apologize? Why should he? Even if he wasn’t hurt, it wasn’t him who started it. They were all acting so weird. That girl was so angry and mean a moment ago, now here she is breaking down with no shame. The teachers were so nice to him earlier, but now everything wrong was on his hands. Everybody’s response didn’t make sense. They didn’t even know what really happened, but they acted like they did. He should’ve been upset, but he couldn’t find an ounce of anger in him. No, instead all he could think of was “Why?” Why did things turned out the way it did? Why are they all giving him those looks? He wanted to know.

Ever since that day he started to notice it all, the way people responded to things. They all had different reactions to certain things, but he could clearly see a pattern in each and every behavior. Itwas oddly amusing, but as time goes by, it just seems rather monotonous. Nobody ever broke the frame, he had to trigger some kind of reaction from them, there’s too much he still wanted to see. Yet the more he did, the more he felt himself fall out of their world, like simple bystander watching from afar.

It wasn’t that big a deal, he didn’t mind watching from the sidelines, as long as he can still see all the lovely responses. But as much as he wouldn’t admit it, his world was becoming darker, quieter, he felt...lonely.

”Do you mind if I sit here?” He wasn’t paying much attention to his surroundings when he heard the voice asking him. Looking from the dirt beneath his feet, Izaya matched his reddish-brown eyes with warm hazel ones. There in front of him was a little boy, possibly a year older than he himself, pointing towards the empty swing next to him.

”Do as you wish?” He didn’t bothered with the boy. The thought of messing with him did come to mind, but right at that moment he was not interested enough. That was rather odd in his case. 

“So why are you all by yourself, Izaya?” He looked at him, confused. Izaya wasn’t aware the two knew each other.

”Do I know you?”

”Yes, I’m in the same class as you at school. I live a couple of blocks away from your house. I’m the only one in class, or the only student in school, that has ever spoken to you after that incident you had with our classmate, Yuri. We’ve met.” Izaya racked his brain to try and remember. If this was true, then why can’t he recall anything. The face wasn’t at all familiar. But even when Izaya face showed exactly what he was thinking, that he had no clue who he was, the boy still smiled sweetly and patiently at him. The amber eyes reflected a kind and honest soul, Izaya could clearly see no hostility in them, unlike the other kids at school. 

It was an odd look. This boy seemed so happy just by being here next to him. Even when Izaya has clearly showed how little he meant to him. He couldn’t even remember his name. He still looked so happy. The black-haired boy wasn’t sure how to feel about this. It wasn’t a smile he normally expects from a child their age, it was patient and empathetic. They didn’t look to him with hatred nor pity, instead it felt as though they saw right through him. 

”What’s your name again?”

”Does it matter?” Izaya looked at him incredulously. He said he should know him and obviously he didn’t, but is now refusing to give a name. He wondered if the boy was messing with him, but he just couldn’t see any malice in those eyes. They were oddly joyful and clear of any negativity. “You can always ask a teacher if your curious. But it’s not going to matter, you’ll forget by tomorrow, just like every other day. You won’t even remember this interaction ever happening.” He was beginning to feel a little unnerved by what he was hearing. This felt too surreal. It scared him, but he wasn’t scared of the boy rather the idea of forgetting him, even though he still doesn’t remember him at all. He didn’t want to forget this. “One day we won’t be able to even see each other anymore. After all, I am moving soon. I just wanted to come today to say goodbye and that no matter how much you forget about everything I’ve done for you, I hope that unconsciously you’ll never forget me, because I won’t ever forget you, Izaya. I love you... Always.”

The boy stood up, he moved closer to Izaya and planted a chaste kiss to his forehead, leaving the lad in shock and disbelief. He watched as the little boy, no older than six walked out of the deserted playground, leaving Izaya once again to his lonesome. He unconsciously reached out his hand out in desperation, wanting to stop the other and make him turn around and face him. He wanted to see them, the beautiful amber eyes that pierced through his very being, silently accepting him despite what the world had labeled him as. He didn’t know why or how he knew, but as the boy’s figure fade, so does his memory. He felt the images slipping. He felt scared, like an important part of his life was drifting away. 

“Wait! Don’t go, Tak-!“ His words were cut short, his actions ceased. Confused brown eyes stared at the empty space before him. His chest felt strangely heavy, but he couldn’t understand why. What was he doing just now? Why did he feel like he lost something he could never replace?

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

Izaya woke up in a cold sweat. His heart pounded heavily against his chest, he could hear the beats in his ear, feel the pulse along his neck. What was that dream just now? It had felt so real. The dream lingered clearly in his mind. The playground was identical to the one near his childhood home. The dumb accident back in elementary school that started his bad reputation as a person. But that boy, he couldn’t remember anything about him, not even as he tried to recall his dream, he just couldn’t see it clearly. All that was rememberable was a pair of honest amber eyes and a kind smile, and the warmth of the kiss. He unconsciously touched his forehead. He didn’t know what to think about it all. Normally he’d just brush it off, but he couldn’t find the will to allow himself to move on. Izaya was afraid to forget again.

All his worries and confusion was cut short when he heard his phone ringing from his bedside table. It was Isaiah, he remembered that they had planned to meet up today. They had been seeing each other for a couple of therapy sessions the past week and Izaya had to admit that each visit did leave him feeling a little lighter internally. The girl was good at what she did, but he tried to be as honest as possible with her as every time he attempted to lie she’d figure it out instantly and manipulate him into thinking a certain way due to it. He’d always feel stupid when he realized what he had allowed himself to believe.

”Hello?”

”Izaya, are you coming for today’s session? I’ve been waiting at the cafe for almost an hour now.” He quickly checked his clock. It was as she said, it was practically an hour past their agreed upon time. “I’m sorry, I overslept.” He could already see her skepticism through the phone. It’s not like him to be late for anything, oversleeping was not normal. She probably already picked up on it too.

”Do you mind if I come over to your hotel? We can just have a session there instead. I’ll pick up some sushi on my way.” He nodded and hung up the phone. There was no real need to say anything, Isaiah was always able to pick up on every last detail of a person’s behavior. She was likely already on her way over. A couple of days of talking and “bonding”, since he had asked for friendship, and she read him like a open picture book designed for an elementary student.

While he waited, Izaya got out of bed and completed his morning routine. He finally settled himself in living room and began surfing through tv channels. He ended up watching some celebrity talk show when Isaiah had arrived.

”Sorry it took so long. They ran out of salmon and I refused to leave until they got some.” She placed the box of raw fish down on the coffee table and took a seat beside Izaya’s wheelchair. “I didn’t think you were interested in celebrity life. I mean most of these people lie through their teeth to look good on live television.”

”I was just flipping through channels and settled on this one.” Izaya did not notice the discreet look he was getting from the younger individual. She was analyzing every word and action he made with skillful thinking processing. Flipping through the channel, so Izaya was either too distracted to care what his eyes were shown to properly respond to it, yet he unconsciously chose the show in front of him. Her brown eyes glinted in amusement when she saw who was on screen. There was a link here, conscious or not. 

“So the guest star is the famous actor, singer and songwriter, Kirito. He’s pretty popular in Europe and North America. But it looks like his fame has reached to Asia too.” 

“Yeah, I guess so.” Izaya watched the actor mindlessly as he answered questions with the show host. The actor was a young, handsome man in his late twenties. He had a bright smile on his face which complimented his messy blond hair and eyes that stood on the edge between gold and brown, sparkling with pure joy and enthusiasm. He answered all questions without hesitation, even should it result in his own embarrassment, he would simply laugh along with the crowd. There wasn’t a hint of a lie in his responses.

Izaya didn’t realize how distracted he was by the star until Isaiah spoke up. “I heard Kirito was casted for the male lead of the action, romance movie, Wait For Me, that was coming out next year on May 4th. The story is going to be set in Japan.”

”You sure know a lot about Kirito.” Isaiah shrugged her shoulders. He knew with that meant, Isaiah has many connections, possibly more than him. She gets information rather easily. It was pretty shady for a psychiatrist. He never got anywhere when he tried to look into her background. All he knew was that she was the granddaughter of a multimillionaire from her father’s side of the family, the family in general had quite the reputation. But he found nothing on her father or her mother and her side of the family. Isaiah told him that he already knew them so she doesn’t need to say anymore on the topic. This had left him confused and curious, but in the end he ended up empty handed. Trusting Isaiah was a risk, but she had proven her capabilities and it made him feel less lonely. 

“Did you have a bad dream?” The man nodded. He wasn’t surprised she figured him out. “That would explain the eye bags. Want to talk about it?” Izaya contemplated his options. He wasn’t sure what good it would do or if it had any importance at all, but the words the boy in his dream said rang in his ear. They haunted him. He said that’ll it be forgotten by tomorrow, like every other day. But he could’ve sworn this was the first time he ever had that kind of dream. Yet he still couldn’t shake off the fear that it was true.

”You ever had a dream and then forget it almost too quickly? But you know you had a dream even if you can’t remember it?”

”Yes, nothing unusual. This is a normal phenomenon among people. It could simply be the brain sorting among the essential and nonessential information.” He felt his heart dropped when she said that the dream was classified as nonessential. Izaya almost wanted to lash out for some reason, tell her that it was important even though he didn’t know how it was himself. He just valued it. More than he could comprehend. “But it could also be due to an unconscious act of the mind, like recalling past memories that had long been faded. These faded memories are brought back due to some kind of link to your present self. If you were to for example have a humiliating experience, your mind can sometimes bring up former humiliations to compare with the present state. If you think about fairytales and fantasy, you could start to remember some past imaginary friends’ name you once had. I use to have an imaginary friend name Coco. It was my excuse as to why I kept losing my homework when I just didn’t want to do it. Depending on your situation right now, your mind might be trying to bring something back. But if it is easily forgotten as you said then it can only mean two things, your memory was from an age where it was not at its best or you don’t want to remember. It’s kind of similar to hypnosis, you can only be hypnotized if you desire to be hypnotized. Of course you don’t always know where your true desires lie. It’s not possible to lie to yourself and expect immediate results, but the mind can adapt and be groomed to function in a certain way. But intrusive thoughts are not something to force down, instead you should just let it happen and try to understand why it happened or just simply move on.”

Izaya thought it through. He didn’t want to forget, but is he unconsciously making himself forget? He didn’t understand why he wanted to remember, but he also didn’t understand why he was trying to forget so quickly. Isaiah watched him with interest. Things were proceeding in a much more different path than she had anticipated, she might need to talk to her employer about this. He clearly had a hand in this. No matter how she looked at it, her “friend” was keeping secrets about her patient from her. For now it’s best to give the man a little push. She too was at a lost, so more intel was better.

”You know our desires are truly fickle. One moment we want one thing, another we want something entirely different. When I was a kid I hate talking to people so much I had convinced myself that friends were meaningless, but once I entered high school I started to want friends. The only problem was that I was so used to being isolated I neglected them at times. I was contradicting myself with who I used to be. I was adapted with a certain kind of behavior, but my likes and dislikes evolved over time, but even then it was hard to accept because I was so convinced that I was one type of person and that I didn’t want to change from it. But it was easier once I accept that no matter how much I change, I don’t really change, I just grow because I can only be myself.”

Izaya felt himself smiled crookedly at the story. Before Shinra he had no friends either, and even after Shinra had came into his life, he kept convincing himself that he didn’t need that kind of relationship even though he still worry over it on many occasions, fearful of losing the only real friend he had. They had more in common than just what was skin deep. Except she found a way to be better and he... He just made himself worse and worse. How long had he been this miserable and pathetic? He didn’t know? Something in him had always pushed it aside. But now the realization had struck him hard when he had already hit rock bottom.

The man briefly stared back to the show, he envied that celebrity,specifically the joy he was able to display. “Kirito, may I ask what inspired you to pursue this career in acting? You’ve been praised highly for your phenomenal performance that shook the hearts of your fans. Tell me, what started it all?”

”Well, I always loved stories of all kinds, specifically because in a story you get to see all sides of the character. It’s nothing like in real life where you just see from your own perspectives. I wanted to understand people on a much deeper level, so I started acting, it gave the opportunity to put myself in another person’s shoes and truly feel their emotions. When I was younger I had a friend who was hard to understand, but I valued them more than anything so I wanted understand and made them know they weren’t alone. I still haven’t forgotten all these years.” Isaiah made a fake gagging as they heard the audience cheered for the man.

”Corny much.” Izaya wanted to say that it sounded like something she would say. But then he realized that Isaiah is not that generous. She wouldn’t give her life understanding others for selfless purposes, she has said it a billion times before. Isaiah Kojin was a selfish and cynical person, but she did it in the right way. She did it in a way that she could pursue her own interests without receiving the hate from the people involved. Her actions were within boundaries of what society can except. “Izaya, know that I’m not just your psychiatrist, or someone that was employed to take care of your mental wellbeing, I’m supposed to be your friend too. So if there’s anything I can do... Just... Tell me what’s wrong-“

”Me.”

”And I’ll tell you that there’s nothing wrong there. I’ll tell you that it’s imperfect as it should be.” Pale fingers stuffed a piece of sushi into her mouth. Swallowing silently before continuing the conversation. “Words are simple and abstract, usually they’re not considered as much. Specifically if it’s the words of baseless theories. But we fear them and are wounded by them simply because we don’t know ourselves whether it’s true or false.”

Izaya reached over for a piece of fatty tuna. There sessions were usually like this. He never saw the real benefits of it, they just sit and talk. But he always came back the next day for a the chat, even if it had seemed pointless. He was guarded at first, but Isaiah’s had this aura that made him feel that it was safe to speak his mind. He had tested her before too. He tried saying horrible, cruel things from his perspective of humans. She laughed and told him he was interesting and unique. He has heard that before, but there was a difference in what they implied. Before it was to say that he was an outcast that should be avoided, but from his female lookalike, it sounded like he was an irreplaceable character that nobody could understand, which was why others gave up on him. Isaiah said that it’s easy to give up on something we find difficult to comprehend, simply saying we do not desire the knowledge enough. But Izaya’s complexity was what made him admirable, because he never gave up on his desires and stayed true to his own beliefs.

Honestly, there were times where he believe Isaiah to be a scheming, manipulative hypocrite, but other times she seemed to be a naive and overly forgiving person. The most odd side of her was the one she had shown the most. On a regular basis, Isaiah was calm, perceptive and passive. She wasn’t forgiving, she just didn’t seem to care enough to interfere. She wasn’t a schemer, just had a clear understanding of her circumstances and simply took a clean route out. She was a fence sitter. But after a couple of small conversations with the girl, Izaya felt comfortable around her, enough to openly allow her to exploit his emotions. Well she was doing so for his sake anyways.

“Isaiah, do you think I’m a monster?” 

“Yes.”

”How about a bad person?”

”Yes.”

”A danger to society?”

”Yes.”

”I deserve to be hated?” It was odd but her replies made him smile. He likes this part of her. Her genuine honesty, no hint of modesty or attempts of sugarcoating her words. He could always trust her judgement, because she did so rationally. No matter how harsh it sounded, the man wanted them to remain friends. He was never lonely with her coming over every other day, and she definitely was any interesting human being. She criticized him, but there was no hatred or malice in her tone.

”Nobody deserves to be hated. We simply hate things because we have no control of them. People who hate you simply don’t have control over you, that’s why they don’t want you around, it undermines their ability to act as they desire. I hate it when things don’t go my way, but it doesn’t mean I have any rights to say that it was because of this one reason I can eradicate it from existence.” Izaya tensed a little. He fully understood the implication of that statement. But the man relaxed immediately after, relaxing his grip on the handle of his wheelchair. “Hate is nothing more than our brain telling us the things we do not want. There’s nothing wrong with it, normally it’d be better to let somebody know if your hatred reached the point of anger. Because if you keep it inside you’ll implode. But... Acting on it solves nothing. All that does is turn something intangible into physical harm, in the end it only builds up more hate, towards the cause and yourself for falling victim to it. That’s why they say that anger clouds your judgement.” Izaya didn’t know what to say to that. Clearly that explanation wasn’t directed towards him. But he was always the cause, unfortunately Isaiah did not agree with him in that perspective, yet she chose to not voice it. Not at the time, she needed to wait for when it’s effect would be at its fullest, when it would most be impactful.

”You sound like you speak from experience.” She nodded. Izaya eyes widened a fraction. He had two possible answers to that response. Either Isaiah used to be an extremely person or she encountered such agressions towards her from someone. If it was the former, he’d be a little unnerved by how much she had in common with his old nemesis. “But if someone hates you for simply being you, then what? Even if you haven’t done anything wrong yet. Thinks that everything bad is your fault.” He smirked at the younger girl. It would be interesting to see what she would say to that. He doubted that Isaiah had ever dealt with that kind of situation herself, heard of it maybe, but experience is completely different. He wanted to know what she thinks.

”Well all I can say is that person must be a complete dunderhead.” Izaya snorted. “But how to deal with someone like that is complicated, first you should at least try to talk things out.”

”And if they don’t listen or don’t believe you?”

”Then all you can do is forget them, not ignore, I mean forget, completely. People like that aren’t worth it.”

”But if you can’t get them to stay away? What then?” Isaiah hummed. She thought for a moment. If she was in that situation she’d simply pretend such an individual didn’t exist. But knowing who Izaya was probably referring to, it won’t work. There was always threats and blackmail, but that’s definitely not what the man wanted to hear. No in his situation, an encounter with his old foe would scare him beyond what his mind could do. There was only one answer that would satisfy him, but putting something like this in action comes with many risks in itself.

”I told you already, such a person isn’t worth it. If you can’t forget them, whatever, but then you can only treat them like they’re less than nothing. Everything and everyone’s worth something, the worst punishment imaginable is to become absolutely nothing. A person as you described, who can only blame others for their own shortcomings and misfortunes without a sliver of proof is not worth anything, not even your hatred or your attention. You’ll only waste the effort it takes to spend hating them. What they want is for you to suffer far more than they do, but if you’re happy no matter what they do, because they’re nothing in your eyes, then the only person who lost anything was them.” Isaiah stood up from the coach. “It’s getting late, I should get going now, my work isn’t gonna do itself.” 

As the female walked away, she stopped abruptly at the door and turned to face her male version. “Oh, almost forgot. Your going to get some new neighbors in the rooms next to yours in a couple of days. Get excited.” 

“What? Why? Who’s coming?” Isaiah just smiled mischievously and slipped out of the hotel room, leaving Izaya in a confused silent. He stared at the remaining sushi on the coffee table, she had left all the fatty tuna. He never found out how she knew what he liked to eat, it was suspicious at first, but he couldn’t say no to them. The man did feel a little lighter, the small talks really cleared his head. It was always enjoyable to hear Isaiah’s opinions, though it does felt as though she was purposely indirectly insulting Shizuo even if he wasn’t around. It really helped make his worries go away, but he sometimes try to imagine what would happen if those did meet. Would she really say all those things? After all, people tend to say things that make them look better when they’re sure that they’re safe. Izaya averted his attention to the tv for a moment, it seemed that a new show was currently airing, for some reason he felt like he was forgetting something. Thinking back, why did he called her over? He remembered them talking about desires, hate and dreams. Why were they talking about dreams again? It seemed a little childish for a topic he would choose to discuss now that he thought about it. How did their conversation about dreams even started again? “Weird, I can’t seem to remember now. I had a nightmare about something, right?”

After trying to mull over the events that took place, Izaya couldn’t help but surrender that it was impossible to recall. He simply just assumed that it wasn’t important, because he wouldn’t have forgotten if it wasn’t. Instead the man returned to his bed and decided to lie down, falling into a light sleep in a matter of moments, he was surprisingly tired despite not having done much. But as he slept, his phones buzzed with a notification, somebody had sent him a text. It said, “I miss you, Izaya.”, but a few seconds after it was deleted. Like it wasn’t even there to begin with.

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

(Private Chatroom)

~Shuu has entered the chat.~

Shuu: What did you do this time?

Kenta: 🤔😔😓😑

Shuu: Don’t play dumb, Izaya has been talking and asking about dreams and memory loss. You did something didn’t u?

Kenta: No I did not.

Shuu:😠

Kenta: I genuinely didn’t. 

Shuu: Suuuurrrrreeeee... But u no something 

Kenta: guilty

Shuu: r u gonna tell me?

Kenta: It’s not the right time.

Shuu: Then when?

Kenta: Be patient, but more importantly. Are the arrangements ready?

Shuu:🤫👍

Kenta: great, well I gotta go

Shuu: you didn’t seemed to be in a rush when you were alone in this chatroom. How’d you know I was coming on?

Kenta: intuition?

Shuu: What’re you doing now? When are you coming back?

Kenta: you know when, and I’m currently dealing with some personal problems, but nothing serious.

Shuu: ...bye

~Shuu has left the chat.~

Kenta: Yeah, bye. Take care of Izaya.

~Kenta has left the chat.~

🔪🔪🔪—————🚬🚬🚬

(Three days later.)

Isaiah stood patiently by at the train station. She had decided to arrive at least thirty minutes ahead of time. It would be rude to make her guests wait. The girl was leaning against the wall, fur hood hanging over her face. Her neutral smile curved into an excited smirk when the train finally arrived. Reddish brown eyes glimmered as a select group of people stepped off the train. There were five people in total, two men, one woman and two children, a boy and a girl. The group was looking around the station, that was her cue.

”Greetings.” Isaiah approached them with confidence in her stride, arms spread out wide. Her hood still covered her hair and face from view. But the very sight of her person caused their eyes to widen. 

“Izaya? You can walk?!” The young woman with copper hair questioned in shock. Isaiah smirked even wider. It was time to add a little flare in her introduction. 

“Izaya...?” The little boy stared at her hopefully. He probably wanted to believe that the man he respected so deeply had fully recovered. Unlike him, the girl and the two men were watching her with caution. She couldn’t deny how fun this was turning out to be, no wonder Izaya likes it so much. Still, it’s nothing compared to the joy she gets from seeing a person being happy.

“I’m sorry to say that Izaya Orihara is unable to make it here today. In fact he knew nothing of any of your arrivals. I was the person who orchestrated it all.” The adults tensed up. The elderly man in the group seemed prepared to take a fighting stance, she expected no less from a former martial artist. But he’s not a threat, not to her. And just as she anticipated, a kick moving at tremendous speed was sent aiming at her head. Isaiah simply brought up her hand and blocked the kick with her wrist, not needing to apply any force to stop it. The others were startled at this. “I suggest you don’t attempt something like that again, especially in a public space. You’ll scare other people.” She was already hating the terrified faces sent their direction. The atmosphere was too tense, not light and bustling as she preferred a train station to be. The man seemed to take the hint, he couldn’t win and causing a scene won’t help them since he was the one who struck first. 

Isaiah lowered her hand the same time the retired martial artist retracted his attack. “Who are you and what do you want?” He asked her in a stern voice. She wanted to laugh at how tense they all were, being so serious like their lives depended on it. How cute.

”I guess you can say that I’m a friend of Izaya Orihara.” The little girl scoffed as she proclaimed herself as Izaya’s friend. She heed no mind to it and simply turned to leave. “If you would so kindly follow me, I promise all your questions will be answered.”

”And why should we trust you?!” The woman asked. 

Isaiah sighed, this was fun, but tiring. Not really worth the effort, the charade has gone on long enough anyways. Pulling down her hood, she allowed her long black hair to pool down her shoulders. “I suppose an introduction is in order.” Their eyes were blown wide open in shock as they got a good look of her face as she turned around to face them. “My name is Isaiah Kojin. I’m a good friend of Izaya Orihara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Durarara belongs to Ryohgo Narita and Suzuhito Yasuda. I only own the plot and my OCs.


End file.
